Alone
by Etoro
Summary: Snapshots of Remus' life, starting from when he was first turned into a werewolf. RemusXSirius pairing. Complete
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hello! I originally intended for this to be an oneshot, but it ended up being too long, so I decided to break it up. Be forewarned, Remus/Sirius pairing, so if you don't like slash or that pairing please don't read : )**

 **Updates will be every day.**

4 year old Remus had not a care in the world, growing up in a loving home with his wizard father and muggle mother, who both loved him dearly. His days were spent playing with neighbouring children, causing general mischief for his mother, and being entertained by watching his father do simple but eye catching magic. Two months before his fifth birthday, one rainy evening, Remus was passing the time lying on the living room floor playing with a small Quidditch set while his mother was cooking dinner in the kitchen. Suddenly the front door opened letting a draft of cold air into the house, which could only mean one thing; Father was home! Smiling broadly, Remus ran to the door to be immediately scooped up into his dad's arms.

"Hello son! Did you have a good day? Have you been behaving for your mother?" his dad asked, ruffing Remus' hair. Remus giggled in response and nodded earnestly.

"Oh don't let him trick you with that innocent smile, just wait and let me tell you what he got up to today." Remus' mother rounded the corner with a playful smirk on her face. "What your dear son did was- Lyall, what's wrong?" Hope's smile quickly faded as she saw her husband's face. Remus looked up at his dad; he didn't notice anything out of the ordinary.

Lyall sighed quietly and placed Remus on the floor. "Go play in the next room, your mother and I need to talk," he instructed his son. Not liked being dismissed so quickly, Remus scowled at his father who let out a laugh. "Later I'll set the dinner table by making the dishes _float_ ," he promised. Remus let out an excited laugh and charged back into the living room to keep playing with his game. Once he settled back in front of his Quidditch set he could only hear snippets of his parent's conversation. It sounded like his father was talking about something that happened at work. Remus could hear the words 'Greyback,' and 'lycanthropy' said quite often (whatever _that_ meant). After a few more minutes of whispered discussion, he heard his mother go back into the kitchen, and his father came into the room and sat beside Remus on the floor. Lyall's frown quickly faded as he looked at his son and was replaced with a smile, as he joined in the game Remus had started.

A few hours later Remus lay in bed with a full stomach and a smile on his face. He loved watching his father set the table with magic, which he did today as promised. The bits of the conversation he overheard earlier today long forgotten, Remus rolled over in his bed and listened to the wind and rain howl against his window. He has almost drifted off to sleep when he heard a new noise suddenly. Remus sat up in his bed to hear it better, because it almost sounded like a dog was sniffing just outside his window. Ever being a dangerous mix of brave and curious, Remus slid out of his bed and tried to peek over his window sill to see if there really could be a dog. Maybe he could convince his parents to keep it as a pet, he grinned to himself. Seeing nothing but rain on his window and darkness beyond, Remus frowned as he turned back to his bed. Perhaps he just imagined the noise. Before he could take a step away from the window, he heard a terrible crash behind him and felt cold wind and rain on his back. Spinning around, Remus gasped as he saw something crawling its way through his window, forcing its way into his room. Stunned, Remus took a few hurried steps backwards and slipped and fell. His mouth wide with terror, as the creature finally made its way through the broken and shattered window, standing to its full height as it surveyed its surroundings, sniffing the air.

It was a monster.

Remus finally found his voice as the monster looked down at him on the floor, and screamed. He could hear his father's footsteps running down the hall, but it was too late, snarling the monster lunged itself at the boy.

All Remus knew was pain.

 **O -**

11 year old Remus stood shakily in front of the whole school, lined up with the other first years waiting to be sorted into their new houses. His head was still whirling at the fact that he was here, he was actually in _Hogwarts_ and was going to learn magic, just like any other normal wizard. Ever since the 'incident' his parents have told him that it wouldn't be possible for him to go to school, so naturally all three Lupins were shocked when Remus received his acceptance letter a few months ago. It was all thanks to the headmaster, Professor Dumbledore; he had done so much to make it possible for Remus to attend Hogwarts. Remus raised his head shyly to glance back at the tall thin wizard seated in the middle of the table behind him, whose twinkling eyes seemed to catch Remus' and give him a slight wink. Feeling slightly braver, Remus tried to pay attention at the sorting going on around him, as one by one the students went over to the sorting hat to be declared in their new houses.

Finally his own name was called and Remus walked over to the stool, feeling weak in knees. He had overheard lots of different students on the train talking about their preferences in houses, but Remus found himself not really being picky. Just being thrilled to be here, he wasn't bothered which house he would end up in; either way he was going to study as hard as he could, and prove to Dumbledore that he didn't make a mistake by letting Remus attend Hogwarts. Besides, his parents explained to him thoroughly why he couldn't get close to any of his fellow students; if anyone found out what he was- well that was something Remus couldn't let happen. This was quite alright with Remus though, he hadn't had a friend since he was five and was comfortable being alone. After placing the sorting hat on his head, he only had time to take one breath before the hat yelled GRYFFINDOR, and Remus quickly hurried off to the clapping table, and found a seat next to the only other boy who had been placed in Gryffindor so far.

"Welcome to the team," the other boy said warmly, brushing his dark hair out of his eyes. "Names Sirius," he introduced himself and offered a hand out to Remus.

"Remus," he said quietly, before shaking hands quickly. The hall hushed as students continued to be sorted with polite claps after every announcement. Soon after Remus' own sorting, 'Pettigrew, Peter' was called to be sorted, where after an unusually long time was the third boy to be sorted into Gryffindor. Remus watched as Peter walked over to the table looking desperately for somewhere to sit.

"Oi, come sit with us!" Sirius called over loudly. Smiling gratefully, Peter sat opposite to Remus and Sirius with a muttered thanks. "Of course, we Gryffindor first years got to stick together," Sirius said easily. "My name is Sir-" At that moment "Potter, James"' name was called and Sirius shushed everyone around loudly, as though they were the ones talking. Looking up at the boy currently walking over to get sorted, Sirius leaned over to the two other boys and whispered, "He's going to be in Gryffindor too. James is my best friend, you'll like him."

"Oh, did you two grow up near each other?" Remus asked as he wasn't expecting people to already know each other before even being sorted.

"No, we just met this morning on the train. He's a good laugh," Sirius explained, as though it was obvious he only knew his proclaimed best friend for less than twenty-four hours. Before Remus could respond, the hat yelled out GRYFFINDOR and James easily made his way over to sit on the other side of Sirius, grinning broadly.

"See, I told you we both would end up in Gryffindor mate," James said slapping Sirius on the back. Sirius laughed and then quick introductions were made around the table, before they quieted for the rest of the sorting. Remus noticed that when 'Snape, Severus' was sorted into Slytherin, James and Sirius gave each other a knowing look. Soon after that the stool was being carried off, and everyone starting shoveling their plates with food as dinner magically appeared before them.

Throughout supper Remus tried to edge away a little from the other three boys, but couldn't help to laugh along with them, or listen into their conversations as they eagerly discussed what they thought classes would be like. Every now and then they would direct a question to Remus and he tried to say as little as possible and force conversation away from himself. He couldn't make friends; he had to keep to himself, this fact was endlessly driven into him by his parents before he left home.

A few hours later Remus found himself sitting on the edge of his bed in his new dormitory, feeling panic creep up on him as he now realised how close in proximity he was going to be living with his three new acquaintances. How could he possibly keep his secret to himself for seven years, when his roommates were so close? They would find out, he knew it, they would find out what he was, Dumbledore had made a terrible mistake letting him come here. Feeling his hands starting to shake, Remus leapt to his feet and made his way to the door.

"I don't think we are supposed to wander around," Peter said glancing up from his pile of clothes he was attempting to unpack. James and Sirius looked up as well, but before they could say anything, Remus pushed through the door and practically ran down the stairs. Dashing through the common room, he pushed himself out the portrait door before anyone could question what a first year was doing leaving at this hour. Remus sped down the corridors, frantically thinking of his next step. It was clear to him he had to leave, he had to leave immediately. He'd go back home, back to his parents, back to his safe isolation. Feeling tears prickling at his eyes, he hurried to the Great Hall. He couldn't stay here with normal people, what was he thinking, what if he hurt someone, what if they _knew_ , what if-

"Going somewhere?"

Remus whipped around to see Albus Dumbledore standing in the hallway, Remus must have barged right by without seeing him. "Uh, yes sir, I mean, no sir," Remus stammered, his thoughts still running wildly.

Dumbledore smiled down at Remus, his eyes piercing through him as though he could see what he was thinking. "Not planning on leaving so soon are you? I thought you'd be excited to come and learn at Hogwarts," Dumbledore commented. Remus could feel his panic starting to spill over, he furiously blinked back his tears as he looked down at his feet, not willing to answer. "Am I right to assume that this has to do with you-"

Remus hushed loudly, cutting Dumbledore off before looking wildly around the dark and disserted corridor. "Don't let anyone hear," Remus pleaded. A long silence followed, before Remus finally whispered, "What if they find out? Worse, what if I _hurt_ someone, I'm dangerous, and I shouldn't be here." Remus glanced up at the Headmaster fully expecting to see him nodding in agreement before ushering him back onto the Hogwarts Express.

A look close to pity flew across Dumbledore's face before he smiled down at Remus and turned on his heel. "Follow me," he instructed over his shoulder. Not daring to disobey, Remus followed in Dumbledore's shadow, his breathing still erratic. Dumbledore led Remus up and down the castle before coming to a stop in front of a rather ugly tapestry. He smiled warmly down at Remus once more before pulling back the tapestry to revel a secret hallway, which he stepped inside and beckoned Remus to follow. Confused, Remus did so expecting to follow Dumbledore further but it seems the professor had no intention of walking down the hall. Pulling out his wand, Dumbledore lit the end of it, so they could see each other better in the dark corridor.

"This is a secret passageway," Dumbledore told Remus. "It is a shortcut through the school that few students know about. A student could get into a lot of mischief knowing about this. Now, do you know why I would show this to you?" he asked Remus, who shook his head and wiped a few tears off his face. "Because I trust you," Dumbledore said simply.

Remus looked at Dumbledore in the wand light, a few auburn hairs catching the light in his white beard. There was something so comforting and peaceful about Dumbledore's presence that Remus finally could start taking a few deep breaths, and he felt himself finally starting to calm down.

"I trust you too, sir," he finally said.

Dumbledore gave a radiant smile, "Wonderful. I will never tell anyone your secret Remus, and I know that you would never hurt anyone. You are safe here at Hogwarts."

Remus believed him, and his hands stopped shaking and he was able to catch his breath for the first time since leaving the dormitory. Of course he would stay at Hogwarts. Dumbledore believed in him and that made the future seem slightly less daunting.

"I won't let you down Professor," Remus promised. Dumbledore gave him another smile before patting his shoulder and leading him back into the main corridor. The two began to walk back to the Gryffindor tower together in silence, Remus collecting his thoughts. He would spend all of his time in his studies; no one would know him well enough to figure out his secret. He would be careful; he would keep everyone at arm's length. Dumbledore bade him goodnight at the Fat Lady, and Remus quickly made his way through the common room and back into the dormitory he ran out of not long ago.

"Oi, where did you run off to?" James questioned as soon as Remus stepped in the room. Giving a noncommittal shrug, Remus made his way over to his bed.

"What, you're not going to say?" Sirius whined as he followed Remus like a puppy. When it was clear Remus wasn't going to answer, Sirius rolled his eyes. "Fine, don't tell us, but it's alright, I'll figure out your secret soon."

Remus froze in the middle of getting into bed before he stuttered, "Secret? I don't have a secret, I just had to go… outside…" he trailed off.

Sirius laughed before striding over to his own bed and looking over at Remus. "You're weird. But don't worry, I like weird," he grinned while throwing Remus a friendly wink.

 **AN: New chapter will be up tomorrow. Reviews are welcome : )**


	2. Chapter 2

Remus sat in the empty train compartment, eagerly looking through the doors as students walked by. He was about to start his second year at Hogwarts and he couldn't wait to see his best friends again, the long two months without them was torturous. Thinking back on his previous year of school Remus chuckled to himself as he remembered his promise to not get close to anyone. How would he have known at the time that he would have met such three wonderful people? It really wasn't his fault that he caved, how could he stay away from James' sense of humor, Sirius' charisma, or Peter's loyalty? It still bothered him a little that every month he had to make up a lie to his friends, but he had more than he could ever dream of, more than he deserved.

The door opened to reveal Peter, who grinned at the sight of Remus. "Hey Rem, long time no see," Peter quipped while sitting down opposite to Remus.

"Hey Pete, how was your summer, alright?" Remus asked practically giddy with excitement seeing one of friends in the flesh again. Before Peter could answer, the door banged open to show James and Sirius, roaring with laughter and slapping each other on the backs. Remus bounced to his feet; he was so excited the four of them were together again. James walked into the compartment, all smiles and punched Remus lightly in the arm as a form of greeting before collapsing next to Peter. Sirius, still laughing, pulled Remus into a rough one armed hug before sitting down opposite to James. Remus sat back in his seat, smiling at the sight of his three friends.

"So, how was everyone's summer, catch me up," Remus asked looking around at the three of them.

"Well first off, James' mum is the best cook _ever_ ," Peter said.

James rolled his eyes, "Yeah Pete stayed over at my place a couple times, and he won't stop talking about my mum's cooking."

"Come on, you can't blame him, it is pretty fantastic," Sirius chuckled from beside Remus.

"I suppose, but do you reckon my mum's cooking was the highlight of summer? That's just sad," James joked. "Especially when you remember what we did to my neighbour…" he trailed off grinning at Sirius.

Remus laughed, sensing a good story coming, "Out with it then, what trouble did you get up to?" The train finally started moving as the boys started swapping stories from the summer. Remus didn't have much to tell as he spent the past two months locked up in his parents' house doing homework. He felt a slight twinge of jealously as he realised how much time the three of them spent together, but he quickly pushed it aside. He would have lots of time with them back at Hogwarts, and he knew that he could have never asked his parents to visit a friend over the break. Not that his parents even knew that he made friends, he kept their existence away from his mother and father, scared that they wouldn't approve. He even made up a ridiculous lie about his mother being deathly afraid of owls so that the three of them wouldn't write to him over the summer. There were a lot of raised eyebrows at that story, before they agreed they wouldn't send him any post. Remus didn't expect Sirius to have been able to spend so much time at the Potters though, considering Sirius' parents attitude towards anything that reminded them their son wasn't in Slytherin. When Remus voiced this Sirius gave a satisfied smirk.

"James is more of a brother to me then Regulus, I would like to see them try to keep us separated," he stated proudly.

After they bought lunch from the food trolley things quieted down as they all ate their snacks. However, when Remus reached out to grab another Chocolate Frog, Sirius quickly snatched his wrist.

"New scar Rem?" he asked while looking at his hand.

"Er, yeah," Remus yanked his arm out of Sirius' grip, giving a nervous chuckle. The scar was from last month's transformation, it had been a rough one. Remus fell into the standard lie easily, "You know how clumsy I am, and I accidently cut myself again this summer." He didn't care for the knowing looks the three boys gave each other.

"Funny, you tell us how clumsy you are, yet we've never seen you do anything like that at all," Peter stated forcing a casual tone.

"Uh-"

"Funny, how you're sick all the time too," James interrupted. "And know what else is funny? Sirius here starting marking down all the times you were ill, or had to leave for a sick aunt, or any other strange thing that happened to you last year."

"Funny, how these incidents always seem to happen every 30 days, right around the full moon," Sirius said his voice devoid of any emotion, staring straight at Remus.

Remus clasped his hands together to keep the others from noticing they were shaking. He tried to give light chuckle but it came out sounding high and nervous. The silence stretched out as his three friends stared at him, waiting for him to say or do anything. Remus' head was spinning, his thoughts were frozen, and he couldn't grasp what was happening. They knew. They had found out he was a monster. Remus blinked away tears and stared down at the ground feeling the other threes stares carving into him. He was looking forward to another year with his friends, his brothers, and now that was gone, slipping away. Feeling like he was going to be sick, Remus glanced out the window to the moving landscape and wondered fleetingly if he would survive if he jumped out. Deciding against that, he went back to staring at the ground, willing his breathing to stay calm, preparing himself for the worst. Preparing himself for the disgust that he was about to see in his friends eyes, preparing for the cruel remarks he knew he was about to hear from voices he cherished.

He took a deep breath.

"I'm a werewolf," he whispered into the quiet compartment.

There was a second of silence, until, "I _told_ you!" Sirius exclaimed, grinning at James and slapping him on the knee.

James rolled his eyes, "Ugh, I can't believe I bet 3 galleons!"

"You guys made a bet? How come you didn't let me in on it?" Peter demanded.

Remus blinked and looked up. He didn't understand what was going on. Where he expected to see revulsion on Peters face, he saw only mild annoyance directed at James and Sirius. Where he expected to see fear etched into James' hazel eyes he only saw a sparkle of joy. Where he expected to hear Sirius' voice to be filled with disgust, he only heard a wholesome laugh as he extended his hand towards James to collect his winnings.

"But- I don't-" Remus stuttered as he looked from one friend to the next. He felt completely turned around.

"Oh yeah, bone to pick with you," Sirius said calmly as he tucked his recently enquired money away before turning back to the stunned Remus. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"Yeah mate, I can't believe you thought you could keep this away from us," Peter looked at Remus with a hurt look on his face.

"And I bet your mum isn't scared of owls, is she?" James chuckled, elbowing Peter in the side. "That was quite the story."

Remus just stared at his friends with his mouth open. "You're not… scared? I mean, you guys don't… hate me?" Remus asked his heart fluttering.

James, Sirius and Peter gave each other confused looks.

"Don't be daft," James snorted. "We're brothers."

"Brothers," echoed Peter.

"Best friends," said Sirius, punching Remus lightly in the arm.

Remus shut his mouth, speechless. In his darkest hours, he used to imagine if his friends ever stumbled across his shameful secret. He imagined the scene hundreds of times, with a hundred different outcomes. Now that day was here, and it wasn't the worst day of his life at all. He wasn't facing expulsion from the group, he wasn't facing being aliened, and he wasn't being pushed away from the people he held closest to him. Instead he was faced with complete acceptance. Remus felt his heart swell, and gave a shaky grin to the three wonderful people sitting around him, feeling more at home than he ever had, happy that he no longer hand to bear his secret alone.

 **O** -

Two months later, Remus sat on the edge of his bed, elbows on his knees, hands in his light brown hair, and drew in a shaky breath. Tonight was another full moon, and Remus was witling down the hours till it was time to be escorted to the Shrieking Shack once again. He felt someone sit next him on the bed, but he was scared he would throw up if he looked around so he elected to keep his eyes on the floor.

"It kills us to see you this way," he heard Sirius' voice, identifying his mystery visitor.

Remus let out a forced laugh. "Well if you blokes minded your own business, I would be doing this in private like last year," he made an ill attempt at a joke. Sirius didn't laugh.

"Is it always this bad?" Sirius questioned quietly. Remus finally raised his head off his hands to look at Sirius, and gave a quick jerk of his head that Sirius took as a yes. "You're pale," Sirius commented finally seeing his friends face. Remus thought it best not to respond. The silence dragged on, Remus trying to calm his shaky breathing, trying not to think about what lay before him; Sirius trying to offer a reassuring presence. Finally Sirius cleared his throat, "So, I had an idea, and I've ran it by James and Peter and they're on board."

"This really isn't a good time for me to hear about you're next prank, Sirius, as brilliant as I'm sure it is," Remus explained wearily.

Sirius grinned, "It's not a prank. It's about your, er, condition." Remus raised an eyebrow as invitation to continue. "Well, now that we know, it just sucks that you have to go through this every month, alone, when we really want to be there for you."

"If you think that you can come with me, you guys are thicker than I thought possible," Remus said drily.

Sirius gave a lopsided smile, "Well, kind of." Remus leapt to his feet, but before he could get a word out, Sirius held up his hands to cut him off. "Now, calm down, I'm not suggesting the three of us just stroll down with you tonight. But I thought, we thought that if we could become Animagus-"

"No," Remus looked down at Sirius still sitting on his bed, "Absolutely not."

Sirius stood up so he could utilize what little height advantage he had, "Come on, just give the idea a little thought, we'd be completely safe, it'll be-"

Remus snorted loudly cutting Sirius off once again, "Right, _completely_ safe, just running around with a wild werewolf, no worries." Remus' voiced dripped with sarcasm. "I know you and James are unable to see consequences, but really, I expected more from Peter. No, Sirius, absolutely not."

Sirius raised his eyebrows before saying, "We don't need your permission you know. It would make things easier, but it's not crucial."

Remus opened his mouth before he figured out what he was going to say. Finally he sank back onto his bed before whispering, "I can't put any of you in danger. I promised. He trusts me."

"Who?"

Remus shook his head and looked away from Sirius. He couldn't let them do this. No matter how wonderful it would be if they managed to pull this off, he couldn't let them take this risk.

"Awe, common Moony, it would be an adventure!" Sirius exclaimed sitting next to Remus again.

"What did you just call me?" Remus asked looking up at his friend.

"What? Oh, er, Moony," Sirius repeated blushing a little. "It's been my nickname for you ever since I found out. I hope it's not offensive or anything?" he ended up curling his sentence into a question the last second.

Remus shook his head, "No, it's not offensive at all." He loved it. It took a horrible part of him, a part he was ashamed off, and turned it into an endearing term, something only his friends knew, a reminder that they accepted him anyways. He felt his heartstrings pull as he looked into Sirius' dark puppy eyes, and felt his anger quickly fading.

"So? You're in?" Sirius asked, sensing Remus' resolve wavering.

Remus gave a thin smile, "You guys won't be able to pull it off anyways. I know you three think you're the best wizards to grace this castle since Dumbledore, but you're biting off more magic than you can handle."

Sirius broke into a huge smile and pulled Remus into a side hug, "Oh just you wait Moony, soon you won't have to alone."

 **AN: Let me know what you think so far. New chapter will be up tomorrow.**


	3. Chapter 3

Remus once again found himself unpacking his trunk in the familiar circular room, ready to start his fifth year. Looking over his shoulder, he watched James tackle Sirius onto his bed for making fun of James' most recent plan to win over Lily Evans' heart, both of them laughing loudly. Rolling his eyes, Remus turned back to the task at hand before he heard Peter whispering something to the two other boys. Intrigued, Remus listened in with his keen werewolf hearing, something that the other three continuously forgot he had.

"Come on, lets tell him," Peter whispered.

"No, we are gonna wait till next Wednesday, it'll be better," James whispered back arguing.

Dreading the worst, Remus turned around with a grin holding a pair of socks in his hand, "Alright you three, out with it. What's going on?" he chuckled to himself as Sirius looked up at Remus surprised that he heard the quick argument from across the room.

Peter grinned wildly, and before the other two could stop him, he raised his eyebrows at Remus, and then turned into a rat. Stifling a cry of surprise, Remus watched his friend scurry across the dormitory floor, before turning back into his rosy cheeked friend. Wide eyed, Remus glanced at the other two, astonished.

"You did it?" he asked. He knew when they left last year, they were close, extremely close, but he never dreamed they would ever actually _do_ it. James and Sirius were now grinning as wide as Peter and they detangled from each other and scrambled to their feet. Giving each other a quick nod, both James and Sirius transformed; James into a tall and proud stag, and Sirius into a massive bear like dog. Remus stared with his mouth open, the socks in his hand thoroughly forgotten.

Peter spoke up from across the room, "We were going to wait till the night before your next cycle to tell you, but I just had to show you." James and Sirius changed back into their human forms, grinning at an astounded Moony.

"Looks like you won't be alone ever again," Sirius said cheerfully, throwing a dumbfounded Remus a wink.

 **O** -

The last few months had flown by for Remus; they had been the best of his life. Before, he had counted himself lucky for being able to be with best friends when he was human, but now they could even be with him when he changed. It took a long time for the three of them to convince him to meet him in the Shrieking Shack the first month. It was one thing to know he was a werewolf, but to see it, that's something else and he worried over his friends reactions. Or what if something happened and Remus would wake up to the news that he infected or even killed one of his brothers. However, the three persisted till Remus wore down, and that first night was wonderful. Remus wasn't as 'wolfish' when other animals were with him, he could think a little bit clearer. Of course, this didn't entirely erase the slightly twist of guilt he carried with him at all times, nor did it stop Remus from advoiding making eye contact with Dumbledore at all costs, fearing he could read his mind. Remus couldn't bear it if Dumbledore found out he was endangering three fellow students every month, he felt like he was betraying him, and knew he was breaking his trust. At least he could trust Prongs, Padfoot and Wormtail, or so he thought.

"Get away from me, Sirius!" Remus spat out at his friend while walking away from him through the empty corridors.

"Moony, I said I was sorry, come on, you've been advoiding me for over a week!" Sirius hustled to keep up with Remus' quick stride. "I told you, it was just a- it was just a laugh that got a little out of hand-"

Remus spun on his heels forcing Sirius to come to an abrupt stop keep himself from walking into him. "Oh, just a laugh? So, it would be hilarious to you if I maimed or killed someone, would it?" Remus demanded.

"Well, not usually, but I mean, it's just Snape, so really," Sirius tried to joke, before realizing this was the wrong tactic. Remus paled considerably, shook his head and continued his fast pace. "Oi, I was joking, come on, Moons!" Sirius gave an exacerbated sigh and continued following his friend. "Nothing happened! It's all good, isn't it? Well, other than the fact that Snivellus now knows you're a we-"

"Shhhhhh! Are you crazy?" Remus looked wildly around before rounding up on Sirius once again. "Anyone could have heard you!"

"Unless you properly talk to me, I'll scream it from the Astronomy Tower," Sirius said stubbornly, crossing his arms. It was an empty threat and they both knew it, but it had its desired effect. Rolling his eyes, Remus grabbed Sirius by the arm, and marched him to the nearest secret passageway he could think of, the one Dumbledore brought him to all those years ago. Shoving Sirius behind the tapestry, Remus followed and made sure it was closed up properly behind him. Turning to face Padfoot once more, Remus took out his wand and lit the end of it, giving weak enough light to see each other.

"Alright then, talk," Remus said roughly.

Now that he had Remus' full attention, Sirius looked a bit at a lost as to what to say. "Well, I mean… I'm sorry."

Remus seemed less than impressed, "You're sorry? That's it? You could have ruined everything Sirius."

Sirius looked up at Remus, whatever height advantage he had when they were twelve was long lost, Remus stood half a foot taller now. "I know, okay? It was stupid, and impulsive, and I'm sorry. I didn't think," Sirius muttered half-heartedly.

"Clearly," Remus said, rolling his eyes once again.

"Just tell me what to do to make this better, I hate when we fight, come on Moony," Sirius whined.

Remus sighed and leaned his back on the opposite wall, "I hate when we fight too. Maybe if you stopped doing idiotic things, we wouldn't have to."

"But isn't that all part of my charm?" Sirius asked feeling the mood lightening. He got a shadow of a grin from Remus. "Alright, how's this? I promise to never tell Snape how to get into the Shrieking Shack again," Sirius said sincerely.

"You're impossible," Remus snorted, but he felt himself smiling back at his friend. The truth of the matter was that Remus didn't want to be mad at Sirius, and luckily enough Sirius always made it so easy to forgive him. Remus felt close to James and Peter, but with Sirius it also seemed slightly more complicated somehow. It was Sirius who figured out he was a werewolf, and Sirius who came up with the idea for them to become Animagus, but it was always Sirius who held Remus at a slight arm's length. It wasn't a big deal, Remus doubted James or Peter noticed it, but he did. It was always little things, like Sirius always calling Remus 'best friend' instead of 'brother' like he did with the other two. Also since they learned to be Animagus, Sirius would always work it out so he and Remus were never alone together. It was artfully done and subtle, and Remus just figured that since Sirius had seen him in his true werewolf form, he didn't wish to be alone with him, and Remus couldn't blame him. With a jolt, Remus realized they were quite alone right now, for the first time since the four of them transformed together months ago.

"Aren't you scared?" Remus blurted out without thinking.

"Scared of what?" Sirius looked around nonplused, "My mums not behind me, is she?"

"No, it's just… never mind," Remus shook his head. He paused before saying, "Dumbledore showed me this shortcut on our first day at Hogwarts, you know."

Sirius raised an eyebrow at Remus, "Oh, did he now? You failed to mention that to us when you showed James and me this little gem all those years ago. That was the moment we decided you were cool, by the way. Before that you were so skittish."

"Yeah, wonder why that was," Remus joked. He made to leave the passageway, until Sirius put a hand on his shoulder.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?"

"I know, we're brothers," Remus said on reflex.

Sirius smiled and squeezed his shoulder, but when Remus turned to push through the tapestry, he heard the softest whisper behind him, "Best friends," that he would have missed completely if not for his heightened hearing. For some reason, it pushed Remus over the edge and he spun around slapping Sirius' hand off his shoulder.

"I can ask you anything, can I? Anything at all?" Remus demanded taking a step towards Sirius, who looked alarmed and took a few hurried steps back. "Well here's a fun one, why have things been different between us ever since you've come to the Shrieking Shack with me? Maybe it's because, you've finally seen what I become, and having a werewolf as a _best friend_ isn't as fun as you thought?" Remus waved his hands wildly in the air as he spoke, causing his wandlight to throw their shadows in the corridor crazily.

"What? No, don't be daft Moons, it's nothing to do with that," Sirius said scowling at his friend.

"Oh I'm daft, am I?" Remus took another step forward, but Sirius held his ground this time.

"Yeah," he said raising his jaw slightly, "maybe you should give me a second to explain before making accusations, don't you think?" Remus clenched his jaw which Sirius took as a sign to carry on. "I didn't really think you'd notice, to be honest." Remus looked like he was going to interrupt so Sirius carried on quickly, "Just ever since I could transform into a dog, things have just been _different_ between us, and I didn't want to make a big thing of it. I can smell you better, I can hear you better, and I can just sense you better, if that makes any sense."

"Right, well now that's all cleared up," Remus said sarcastically. "What about that weird thing you do, you call James and Peter brothers, but never me?"

Sirius seemed caught off guard, as he looked away from Remus' green eyes, "I don't do that," he mumbled.

"Oh please, you've been doing it for years, you didn't think I'd catch on?" Remus' anger grew now that Sirius refused to make eye contact with him. "Here's a thought, perhaps you're more Black than you would have us believe. Can't call someone 'brother' who's a filthy halfbreed," Remus hissed. Sirius' head snapped up, and before Remus could react, he had shoved Remus into the wall behind him, holding him there with a hand on each shoulder.

"Don't you dare call yourself that, and don't you dare say I have a problem with you being a werewolf," Sirius growled.

Remus gasped at the force Sirius used to push him, despite their height difference Sirius was stronger than Remus. He looked down at Sirius sadly and said, "I know you don't look at me the same as Peter and James. Don't insult us both by denying it. Just tell me."

Sirius smirked up at Remus and waited a couple breaths before finally saying, "You're right. I never thought of you the same."

Remus felt his heart break as he pushed free of Sirius' grip and turned to finally leave him behind, to get some space to be alone. Before he took more than two steps however, Sirius grabbed him by the arm and spun him around, and before Remus even knew what was happening, Sirius was kissing him. His mind left his body; he seemed to be unaware of the fact that he was kissing Sirius back with equal passion. After a few minutes Remus felt his brain click back on and pulled away.

"What's happening?" he asked noticing for the first time his hand was intertwined in Sirius' black hair.

"Well, Remus, you stopped a really good snogging session, that's what's currently happening," Sirius joked, but his smile faded when Remus just seemed to stare blankly back at him. Sighing, Sirius took a couple steps back to gain proper distance between them once again. "Look, I probably shouldn't have just done that, but it's something I've wanted to do for a really long time." Sirius looked up at Remus to meet his green eyes with his grey. "You're right; I've never looked at you the same as the other two. Never wanted to do that with either one of them, that's for sure," Sirius chuckled, but when Remus didn't laugh he pressed onwards. "I've always liked you Rem, but I didn't want to freak you out, and everything was fine, till I could turn into that damn dog. Then everything changed, I felt closer to you than ever before, wanted to be closer to you…" Sirius trailed off hoping Remus would say something. When the silence stretched to what Sirius considered to be an unbearable point, he sighed, "I'm sorry, can we just pretend like this never happened?" he pleaded desperately.

Remus finally seemed to come back to life, he blinked a few times before looking at Sirius. He took a deep breath and then shook his head, "No, I can't do that," he said gravely.

Sirius felt his stomach clench as he tried to give a light chuckle, "Right, don't mind me then, I'm just going to jump out of the nearest window, excuse me." To his astonishment Remus laughed, took two steps forward and caught him in another kiss, this one sweet and gentle as opposed to their last.

Sirius leaned back for a second to whisper, "You prat," before kissing Remus' sly grin. Remus felt his heart flutter, this was right; this made him feel like he could face all the full moons to come, because with Sirius at his side, he'd never be alone again.

 **AN: Let me know what your thoughts are so far. New chapter will be up tomorrow.**


	4. Chapter 4

Remus woke with a sudden jolt, sitting up in his bed, gasping for breath.

"What is it?" Sirius woke up next to him, glancing up at Remus.

"Nothing, I didn't mean to wake you. It was just another dream," Remus shook his head, and stared straight ahead, wrapping his long arms around his knees.

Sirius sighed and sat up next to Remus before asking, "Who was it this time?"

"Lily," Remus answered in an unsteady voice.

Sirius nodded slowly, he knew how vivid Remus' dreams could be, and didn't envy the consistent dreams he had of people they knew being brutally murdered. "It was just a dream, Lily's fine," Sirius tried to soothe Remus and put a hand on his shoulder, "Merlin, you're shaking Moons. Like you said it was just a dream."

Remus put a shaky hand over his eyes and gave a small nod, and took a couple of deep breaths, willing his heartrate to return to normal.

Sirius smiled, "Besides, Lily's getting ready to pop soon, only a couple more months till our idiot Prongs becomes a father. Now _that's_ something to have a terrifying dream about."

Remus let out a tiny chuckle before he raised his head out of his hands, his eyes meeting Sirius', "Do you remember the look on James' face when he told us? He's going to be a great father, and you're going to be a great godfather," Remus beamed.

"Well, it's all just honorary isn't it? I mean, it's not like I'll ever have to do anything…" Sirius trailed off as he saw Remus' smile fade. "Come on, Remus, just you wait. Soon, we will all be together again, you, me, James, Peter, Lily and a tiny little Potter running around, you'll see. And you'll wonder why you worried so much."

Remus looked away before saying, "You can't promise me that. No one can. You think we will all just walk out of this war completely fine and everything will go back to normal? That's just naïve, Sirius."

Sirius gave another heavy sigh. He laid back down and grabbed Remus' arm and pulled him close, to which Remus quickly complied, resting his head on Sirius' shoulder. "You're right, I can't promise that. But I can promise that we Marauders will always have each other's backs no matter what happens."

Remus was quiet for a while before muttering, "I'm pretty sure Dumbledore is getting ready to send me on my mission soon for the Order."

Sirius bit his lip and nodded. "I know," he whispered.

Silence filled the room as both men worriedly thought about the uncertain futures that lay before them. Remus knew that they would both do whatever the Order asked of them, and they were both talented wizards and this meant they wouldn't see much of each other soon. It would be strange to not have Sirius to wake up next to, strange not to hear his bark like laugh alongside his own, but mostly it would be strange to not have him there when he transformed. Remus thought back to the days of his transformations without at least one of his Animagus friends with him, and he remembered how much _worse_ they were. He gave a little shudder, dreading the full moons to come.

Sirius felt Remus' tremble and gave a soft kiss on his forehead and whispered, "I promise, you won't have to be alone for long."

 **O** -

Remus was broken.

The news that had flooded the wizarding world had hit Remus one devastating piece at a time. James and Lily were dead. Peter was dead. Sirius was gone, Sirius was responsible for everything. The fact that Voldemort was defeated was small and insignificant to Remus, it didn't matter, and it didn't erase the fact that everyone was gone.

Remus was in a small one bedroom shack, far north in the country, where he'd been stationed by the Order to be close to a group of suspected Death Eaters, and with whom Greyback liked to associate with. It was because he was so isolated that it took half a day for the first wave of news to hit him, Voldemort was defeated, James and Lily were dead, but Harry survived. After hearing this he was stunned, he was in shock. He didn't understand how this could happen, Dumbledore put protections on the Potters, and how could those charms have failed? He immediately wanted to find Sirius and Peter, they no doubt were grieving as much as he was, they should all be together to mourn James and Lily's passing.

It was at this moment however, that Dumbledore's Patronus appeared with the order, _'Stay where you are, I'll come for you'._ So Remus sat and waited in his small shack, and listened to the radio to hear of any word on any members of the Order. That's when he heard how it was Sirius who betrayed James and Lily, how Peter tracked him down desperate for revenge, how Sirius killed Peter and twelve Muggles, and how Sirius was captured by the Ministry. The state of shock that Remus was in since he heard about James and Lily's death was shattered. He had sobbed for hours, not understanding how this could have happened. He knew Sirius, he knew him better than anyone, and he couldn't, he _wouldn't_ believe that Sirius would have betrayed everyone he loved. After what seemed like days, but was only hours later, Remus heard a small _pop_ outside his front door, and knew that Dumbledore had just arrived. Not bothering to get up from his seat at the table, Remus waited as Dumbledore knocked, then gently pushed open the door.

Remus glanced up at the tall wizard, stooping his head slightly as he made his way into the hut. "Is it true?" Remus whispered, without giving Dumbledore a chance to even close the door behind him. Dumbledore looked down at Remus over his half-moon glasses, his face especially grave, and nodded. It was like hearing it all again for the first time, Dumbledore's confirmation took away any weak hope that Remus had. Remus covered his face with his hands and let out a dry wail, and heard Dumbledore close the door and take a seat beside him at the table.

"I am deeply sorry, Remus," was all he had to say, as he watched Remus' shoulders shake with renewed sobs. He sat by Remus' side patiently, waiting for the questions he knew Remus would have. After Remus cried more then he thought possible he raised his head off the table, and looked up at Dumbledore.

"I don't understand," he croaked out. "I thought you were protecting them?"

Dumbledore bowed his head, "Yes, I placed the Fidelius Charm on the Potter's house; however I was not made Secret Keeper. James insisted that they would use Sirius."

Remus felt his stomach twist as he nodded. Of course James would insist to make Sirius the Secret Keeper; there was no one he trusts more. _Trusted,_ whispered a small voice in Remus' head.

"But why would he betray them? Sirius loved James and Lily, he wouldn't…" Remus trailed off, because no matter how much he thought Sirius wouldn't do such a thing it didn't change the fact that he did.

"Ah yes, the 'why' of the matter. It is something I doubt we will ever truly know. Who knows what Voldemort offered Sirius in exchange for the Potters, let alone how long Sirius was working for that side. He played his part extremely well; even I did not see what he truly was," Dumbledore said mournfully.

Remus shook his head at Dumbledore's words. It just didn't make sense to him, he knew Sirius. _Did you really know him though?_ That voice whispered back in his head. It was true, ever since Remus was sent away for the Order, he and Sirius had barley seen each other at all. They couldn't send each other messages for fear of being intercepted, and the few times Remus had seen Sirius it had been brief interactions, which had been strange and forced. The fact of the matter was that Remus hadn't really talked to Sirius in over a year and the few months before that, they had only sought out each other's physical company in the fleeting moments they had together. Remus felt a shudder run through him, was Sirius already on Voldemort's side the last few times they shared a bed together? Remus felt sick at the thought. Maybe he did know Sirius at one point, but he certainly didn't know that man he had become.

"What about Peter?" Remus asked, his voice cracking once again as he thought of poor innocent Peter, getting involved in something he wasn't ready for.

Dumbledore closed his eyes and bowed his head once again. "He left to track down Sirius before I could find him. If I had been a little quicker… But once he found Sirius, well as you know talent-wise Peter didn't have much of a chance," Dumbledore explained softly.

"Peter's twice the man Sirius will ever be," Remus said forcefully, at which Dumbledore inclined his head. "That's why you told me to stay here," Remus stated slowly, "You thought if I got wind what Sirius had done I'd try to find him too."

"I did think that was a possibility."

"I would have had a better chance than Peter," Remus said bitterly.

Dumbledore said nothing, and silence filled the shack until Remus thought of something he couldn't believe he hadn't asked yet.

"Where's Harry?" Remus asked.

Dumbledore met Remus' eyes and said quietly, "Safe."

"But I mean, who is going to take care of him? Sirius was godfather, so now there is no guardian. I can take him, I'll raise him," Remus said, a small bubble of hope growing in his chest.

Dumbledore sighed through his crooked nose, meeting Remus' green gaze once again before saying gently, "No."

That bubble of hope burst abruptly as Remus stared at Dumbledore. "No? What do you mean no? Who else is going to take him, he has no family left. You know James would agree to this, we were like brothers," Remus explained angrily.

"Harry does in fact have family left, and they already have Harry safely in their possession," Dumbledore said calmly.

"Can I see him then? Go visit?"

Dumbledore shook his head once again and Remus fought the urge to throw something at his calm face. "I believe it is best for Harry for him to grow up away from the wizarding world, without knowledge of what he has already accomplished."

Remus' mouth twisted in anger, "Well, as long as you believe that's what's best."

Dumbledore gave Remus a small smile, "You trust me, do you not?"

Remus snorted. He did trust Dumbledore, but he trusted Sirius too for all the good that did. When it became clear Remus didn't have anything else to say, Dumbledore stood up and looked down at the still seated Remus.

"It is my wish for you to come with me. I know a place you can stay," Dumbledore said.

Remus shook his head, "No, I should be alo- I want to be alone," he said looking up at Dumbledore. A flash of pity ran across Dumbledore's face, just like so many years ago, when he looked down at Remus in the corridor during his very first night at Hogwarts. Dumbledore sighed quietly before nodding, and letting himself out of the hut.

"You know where I'll be if you need me," he told Remus before closing the door behind him.

Remus felt the silence of Dumbledore's absence creep up on him almost immediately. He thought about everything that Dumbledore had told him, thought about how Harry was off with some Muggles, thought about how he'll never hear Lily's laugh again, never see that twinkle of mischief in James' eyes, never tell jokes with Peter again. All because Sirius Black betrayed them all. After all the promises Sirius whispered to Remus over the years, Remus was now utterly alone.

 **AN: New chapter will be up tomorrow, let me know what you think so far.**


	5. Chapter 5

Sighing, Remus quickly gathered his things from the small flat he had been living in for the last five months. Throwing his possessions in his trunk hurriedly, he scanned the room for anything important he may have missed. He didn't own much, and he was use to packing quickly since he had rarely stayed at a single location longer than a handful of months for the past twelve years. Feeling tired Remus grabbed his one shabby traveling clock and threw it over his shoulders, glancing around the flat one last time. He really didn't want to leave; he liked this place as it had a cozy feel to it. However, someone at his job was close; much too close at figuring out what he truly was so it was time to find somewhere to start anew once again. Grabbing one end of his small trunk, Remus opened his front door to come face to face with Dumbledore, who had one hand raised as though he was about to knock.

"Oh," Remus pulled up short, startled at his surprise guest.

"Good evening, Remus," Dumbledore said warmly. "Hope I haven't caught you at a bad time?" he questioned eyeing the trunk in Remus' hand.

"Er, no I was just… Uh, come in," Remus backed into the flat as Dumbledore followed, closing the door behind him.

Dumbledore's keen eyes swept the empty apartment before his gaze settled on Remus. "Going somewhere?" he asked innocently.

Remus sat at the bare kitchen table and motioned for Dumbledore to grab a seat, "Yes well, I'm moving. My time here is up."

Dumbledore smiled as he pulled up a chair across from Remus, "How fortunate, because I am here to offer you an employment opportunity."

Frowning, Remus looked at Dumbledore suspiciously. "Doing what?" he asked.

"Why, teaching of course! I seem to be in constant short supply of Defense Against the Dark Arts professors lately," Dumbledore explained merrily.

Remus stared at Dumbledore before he burst out laughing, he couldn't believe it. "Seriously? I highly doubt students, parents, or staff would want a werewolf teaching at Hogwarts. I know you're a beacon of understanding but very few people will agree you with you," Remus chuckled, amused at Dumbledore's offer.

"I don't see why you think this is a laughing matter, I am quite serious," Dumbledore explained still smiling. "I made it possible for you to attend Hogwarts as a student, and I can make it possible for you to attend Hogwarts as a teacher."

Remus raised his eyebrows at Dumbledore, as though he was expecting this to be an elaborate joke, and shook his head. "No, absolutely not, I am not exposing a whole school of students to the risk of-" Remus cut himself off.

"Risk of what?" Dumbledore prompted.

"Risk of me," Remus said after taking a breath. He saw Dumbledore frown, and Remus held up his hands to stop Dumbledore from speaking. "Look, I appreciate the offer but my answer is no," Remus said calmly and leaned back in his chair. "I'm happy you stopped by though, really,"

Dumbledore looked down at Remus over his crooked nose, studied him for a while and then nodded. "Very well, I can see your mind is made up on the matter," he conceded.

Remus smiled before tentatively asking, "How's Harry doing? He'd be entering his third year this September, right?"

"Yes, that is correct. He is looks so much like James, but he is extraordinarily like Lily. Harry is smart, brave boy, a little reckless perhaps, though that's to be expected," Dumbledore said and Remus detected a hint of pride in his voice. It made Remus' heart swell to know Harry was doing well. "But Remus," Dumbledore continued, "Harry has been in the wizarding world for two years now, I thought you would have contacted him already."

Remus paused, looked into Dumbledore's clear blue eyes, before shaking his head. "I decided he was better off without knowing me," he stated, no hint of remorse in his voice.

"Better off not knowing one of his father's best friends?"

"Better off not knowing a werewolf," Remus said shortly.

Dumbledore shook his head sadly, "That's not all you are, Remus. You have much more to offer." Not willing to get drawn back into this familiar debate, Remus said nothing. "Besides, things must have gotten better for your quality of life now that the Wolfsbane Potion has been invented," Dumbledore commented. Remus looked away and mumbled something under his breath, to which Dumbledore managed to get the gist of. "Why haven't you tried it? I've heard it's quite the revelation."

Remus snapped his gaze back to Dumbledore's, "I can't brew that potion, have you looked at it? It is much too complex and I was never good at potions. Besides," Remus continued pulling his frayed and shabby cloak tighter around himself self-consciously, "the ingredients are expensive."

"Ah yes, I suppose that would be a bit of a problem. My potions master at Hogwarts is more than capable to brew such a potion you know. He would have no issue making one draft, say once a month?" Dumbledore said lightheartedly. Remus glared at Dumbledore from across the table for his lack of subtly. "And with such a potion, you would pose no threat to any student, so I see no reason why you cannot accept the job offer."

Remus ran a hand through his hair before saying in a hoarse whisper, "I can't go back to Hogwarts. It'll remind me too much of… before."

"Oh, Remus," Dumbledore said softly reaching across the small table and resting a hand on his arm. "Wounds heal differently for everyone, but you have to be willing to try and move forward. You can remember the good times at Hogwarts and appreciate them for what they were. And I'm sure meeting and getting to know Harry will only add to your fondness of Hogwarts."

Staring down at the floor, Remus thought it over. He would be no danger to anyone with the Wolfsbane Potion, his transformations would be more docile, and he would meet his best friend's son. Still starting at the floor, Remus nodded.

"Excellent," Dumbledore exclaimed, giving Remus' arm a squeeze before leaning back into his chair once more. "Now, I will have to tell the staff about your condition, but none of them will ever let your secret out, you have my word," Dumbledore said solemnly. Remus merely nodded again, not really sure if he made the right decision. Standing up Dumbledore was sweeping over back to the door while telling Remus over his shoulder, "The teachers take the train to Hogwarts on August 30th, so I expect to see you then."

"No," Remus said, causing Dumbledore to turn around and survey Remus over his glasses. "The full moon is on August 30th," Remus explained. "That would be less than a good first impression," he pleaded with Dumbledore with his eyes, begging him to let him met his coworkers on his terms.

Dumbledore inclined his head, "Of course, how foolish of me. You may take the train with students on September 1st if that suits you better." Remus let out a relieved sigh and slumped back into his chair. "Oh, by the way, that talented potions master I mentioned earlier will be at least one familiar face, it's Severus Snape," Dumbledore called over his shoulder giving Remus a swift smile, and exited the flat, shutting the door behind him.

Remus blinked a couple time at the empty room, before he warily covered his eyes with his hands. "Fantastic," he muttered.

\- **O** -

It was a bizarre experience watching students being sorted from the high table and not from the Gryffindor table. Remus smiled faintly as he watched the nervous children being sorted one by one into the four houses, eager to start their magical educations. He glanced up and down the Gryffindor table, but couldn't see Harry or the young witch who was in the train compartment with them, but did see Harry's friend with such red hair that he could only be Weasley, save two seats beside himself, craning his neck looking for friends. Remus figured that McGonagall was still seeing to Harry, as Remus sent an owl ahead of the train to let her know about what happened on the trip. Supressing a shudder at the memory of the Dementor on the train, Remus felt sorry for the extreme reaction Harry had had to the guards of Azkaban. He said he heard a woman screaming, Remus wondered if it could be… Startled he noticed Dumbledore was standing up and giving a speech. Pulling himself back to the present, he saw Harry and his friend join the Weasley at the Gryffindor table, just as Dumbledore was introducing Remus to the students. There was scattered applause, but Remus noticed Harry and his friends who were in the train compartment clapping enthusiastically which made him smile, at least he made a memorable first impression on Harry. Soon enough it was time for the feast, which Remus only picked at, as it was too soon after the moon for him to really have his appetite back. Glancing up, he happened to catch Severus' eye and saw his face twist into a look of loathing. Quickly looking back down at his food, Remus couldn't help but dread any interactions he was to have with Snape.

Once everyone had their fill, Dumbledore dismissed the students and the usual clamor of hundreds of students getting to their feet filled the Great Hall. Not wanted to get caught in the crowd, Remus slipped out a few side corridors he remembered, before he found himself outside in a courtyard. Smiling at the fresh air, Remus let his feet carry him on familiar paths over the grounds. He didn't want to return to his office just yet, he surprised at the joy he felt from just being back at Hogwarts. It was the first place he felt at home after he was cursed. It was where he met his best friends, his brothers, his lover, where he found his own little family. Remus finally found himself standing alone on the grounds looking up at the Whomping Willow. It had grown considerably since Remus had graduated all those years ago. The countless times he was escorted through the entrance at the base of the tree with his three best friends creeping behind him in James' invisibility cloak brought a ghost of a smile to Remus' face.

"Reminiscing, are we?" said a cold voice behind him.

Remus turned around and smiled at Severus standing a few feet away from him. "Just getting a feel for the grounds again," Remus said lightly, determined to keep things pleasant.

Severus' black eyes gleamed in the dark, and he looked past Remus towards the massive Willow. "This must be a fun spot for you," Severus said quietly. Remus bit back a sarcastic comment and settled for a noncommittal shrug instead, taking a couple steps back towards the castle. "As I recall, someone once told me how to get to the Shrieking Shack from here. What a sight waited for me," Severus continued.

Remus paused and then turned so he facing Snape once again, "That was a long time ago, Severus."

"Yes, but some memories never fade, Lupin," Severus said, and Remus noted the use of his surname. "Speaking of old times, you must have been thrilled to hear Black is on the loose."

"Hardly," Remus said shortly, remembering the chill he felt when he learnt that Sirius had escaped Azkaban.

"Quite convenient that you got a job at Hogwarts at the same time your friend is on the run," Severus commented.

Remus frowned slightly, aware at what Snape was insinuating. "Dumbledore approached me with the job offer before Sirius escaped. And he's not my 'friend'," Remus said, silently cursing himself for being dragged into this conversation.

"That's not what I remember. Thick as thieves the two of you were," Snape smirked.

"If you have any concerns about me working here, I suggest you take it up with the headmaster," Remus said keeping his tone light, he refused to be dragged down into a schoolboy grudge all these years later.

"Don't think I haven't already. I'm keeping my eye on you, Lupin," Snape muttered, his thin lips barely moving. With that, he brushed past Remus, making his way back to the castle, his robes billowing behind him. Remus watched him leave and thought about what Snape had said. He really thought that Remus had gotten a job at Hogwarts to do what? Help Sirius break in and kill Harry? Remus shook his head and stared back out over the grounds. Sirius escaping Azkaban weighed on Remus ever since the Daily Prophet reported it weeks ago. For twelve years Remus had the satisfaction of knowing the man who betrayed his trust was locked away and suffering for what he did. Now he was free, and the thought chilled Remus, what would Sirius' next step be? Would he seek out his old master and try to bring him back to previous strength? The rumor was that Sirius was out for Harry, to kill the boy that had been Voldemort's downfall. He was responsible for so many deaths already, and now he had to add to that tally with his own godson? That would mean Sirius would have to come back to Hogwarts… Remus' eyes flitted over the grounds as though he expected to see Sirius walking up to the castle right in the open. No, he would probably be in his dog form…

Remus felt is stomach twist in guilt as he thought about Sirius' Animagus. Dumbledore still didn't know, and now that James and Peter died with the secret, only Sirius and Remus knew about the dog Sirius could turn into at will. Remus should tell Dumbledore, any information that he had that could protect Harry, that could make catching Sirius easier, was information that he should happily share. Though that would mean telling Dumbledore how all those years ago Remus put his friends in danger every month, and how Remus had broken Dumbledore's trust time and time again. Remus bit his lip in indecision, all he had was Dumbledore's faith and he wasn't eager to tell Dumbledore how misplaced it had been. Maybe he was being foolish, Remus thought to himself. There was no proof that Sirius was on his way to Hogwarts, there was no reason to think that Dumbledore knowing about Sirius being an Animagus would helpful at all. He didn't have to tell Dumbledore anything tonight, he rationalized. He would be at Hogwarts all year, if there was any evidence of Sirius being near he would tell Dumbledore immediately. Yes, there was no reason to explain to Dumbledore Remus' sever lack of judgment all those years ago.

Sighing Remus glanced at the Whomping Willow once again before making his way slowly back to castle. There was no reason to think that he would ever see Sirius Black again.

 **AN: New chapter will be up tomorrow. Let me know what you think so far.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: In the second part of this chapter, the four lines spoken between Harry and Lupin are not my own, I borrowed them from the fabulous Ms. J. K. Rowling, from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I do not claim those 4 spoken sentences as my own. Everything around the dialog and the rest of the story is entirely my own : )**

Remus nervously stood outside the entrance of Number 12 Grimmauld Place, trying to find the courage to enter. It had been a year since everything changed, a year since Remus learned that Sirius was innocent, and Peter was alive and the backstabber all along. A year since Peter escaped and Sirius was forced to be on the run. A year of Sirius and Remus sending each other intermittent letters, that said nothing at all, full of code names and small talk, neither saying anything of importance. A year for Remus to think over how wrong he had been all this time to ever doubt Sirius. Though thinking back to their brief conversation in the Shrieking Shack, the only reason Sirius didn't tell Remus that he wasn't the Secret Keeper was because Sirius suspected him of being the spy, a thought that gave Remus a slight chill. After all their years together as inseparable friends, and their years together as lovers, it was unsettling to think how quickly both men lost all trust in each other.

However, now Remus was going to see Sirius again for the first time since that night in the Shrieking Shack when the truth came out. Dumbledore had visited Remus a week ago to give him the location of the Orders new headquarters, now that Sirius had officially inherited his old family home, and here Remus was.

Taking a deep breath, Remus made his way up to the front door, and remembering Dumbledore's word of advice, didn't knock and stepped quickly into the house. The house was oddly quiet, and the air was thick, as though no one had lived here for a long time. Stepping further into the front lobby, Remus fought the urge not to call out a greeting, remembering once again Dumbledore's warning to keep quiet as to not set off the portrait of Sirius' mum. He crept over to where he assumed the living room was and was greeted with an empty room. Continuing his way through the house, Remus finally came into the kitchen, where a man was sitting alone, his back facing him.

Remus cleared his throat, "Sirius?"

Sirius gave a start, and turned around in his chair, his eyes meeting Remus'. He looked better since he saw him last, Remus noted. His hair was much shorter, and his skin lost that waxy texture he had picked up in Azkaban, though he was still on the unhealthy side of thin. Sirius gave a giant smile, which lighted up his eyes and made him look ten years younger. Standing up, Sirius walked over to Remus and grabbed him into a big hug and clapped him on the back.

"Been wondering when you'd show up, mate," Sirius said happily and pulling away before reclaiming his seat at the table and gesturing for Remus to do the same.

Remus sat the table across from Sirius and said apologetically, "Sorry, I didn't mean to creep in, Dumbledore told me it would be best not to ring the bell."

"Ah yes, dear ol' mum. I've been trying to take down that portrait since I got back, no luck though," Sirius said his smile fading quickly. He glanced around the dark kitchen, "Merlin, it's terrible to be back here," he muttered to himself.

"Is anyone else from the Order here?" Remus asked eager to keep the conversation moving.

"Lots of people have been coming and going, mostly from the old crowd, some who have only joined the Order this time round. I think the Weasleys are going to be staying here soon, probably with Harry and Hermione before the school year starts. Help me clean this place up a bit," Sirius explained.

Remus nodded, "Good, it'll be nice to see Harry again." Sirius gave a brief nod in return, and slowly silence filled the kitchen. Remus kept his eyes on his hands clasped on the table, trying to think of something to say. The problem was there was just too much to say for both of them, and neither man knew where to start. Remus heard Sirius clear his throat a few times as though to speak, but nothing followed. Finally taking a bit of a breath, Remus broke the silence. "I'm terribly sorry. For letting Peter escape that night," he said his brow furrowed as he continued to stare at his hands.

"That was a bit of everyone's fault. I should have known he'd transform and get away," Sirius' voice came out bitter.

Remus shook his head, "I didn't take my potion that night. I shouldn't have been so careless, everything would be different now. You wouldn't have to spend the last year on the run. You'd be a free man," Remus said quietly, still refusing to look up.

"And I should have just killed Peter in the shack," Sirius said coldly.

Remus finally looked up at Sirius, "You would still be on the run though. Without Peter alive, your version of the story falls apart quickly."

"At least I would sleep better at night," Sirius said shrugging leaning back into his chair. Remus shook his head slightly and let his gaze fall back to the table. He could feel Sirius' stare on him as silence quickly reclaimed the kitchen. The friendly greeting Sirius had given him when he first saw him now seemed odd; the two men could barely carry a conversation. Since learning of Sirius' innocence there was so much Remus had wanted to say to him, and now that he had the chance he found himself without words. "So, how have your last thirteen years been? You know my story, rotting away in Azkaban," Sirius finally broke the silence, his voice carrying a hostile edge.

Looking up Remus saw a cold glint in Sirius' grey eyes. Sighing he shifted in his seat before saying, "Look Sirius-"

"Did you ever once stop to think that I might be innocent?" Sirius cut him off harshly.

"Of course I did. When I first heard the official story I didn't believe it, but then the 'facts' starting appearing, and there was no other story to explain what had happened. Even Dumbledore thought you were the spy once you captured," Remus explained heatedly.

"Right, well if _Dumbledore_ said so then of course you would swallow that story, no hesitation," Sirius said acidly.

"I trust Dumbledore," Remus said defensively while Sirius glared at him from across the table. "He's done a lot for me," he muttered.

Sirius snorted in response. "I just thought you would have known I would never have betrayed my friends."

"Don't be so naïve, you remember how it was back then. No one trusted anyone, Sirius!" Remus shot back. Sirius made a move to stand up, clearly done with this conversation, but Remus snatched his wrist from across the table to keep him seated. "Besides, I know you thought I was the spy. Tell me I'm wrong," Remus demanded.

Sirius hesitated slightly, "I did have my suspicions." Hearing Sirius admit it out loud hurt Remus more than he expected it to. "You were gone all the time, and when you were back you were so different, so reserved," Sirius explained. "I know your mission brought you close to questionable company, and I couldn't be sure they hadn't turned you for their side."

"'Questionable company,'" Remus quoted, his eyebrows rising, "Werewolves?"

"Death Eaters," Sirius corrected.

Remus sighed and said tiredly, "Sirius, I'm sorry I doubted you, but you doubted me as well. We fell apart, everyone did."

"I just wanted to protect James and Lily, and keep Harry safe," Sirius said quietly. "I think we can all agree I made a right mess of that," he muttered, his voice full of sorrow. Remus knew the guilt that must be eating away at Sirius through all these years. Silence filled the kitchen once more as the two men got lost in their own thoughts about the past and how much they had lost. Finally Sirius looked down at the table and seemed surprised to see that Remus was still holding onto him. "You can let me go now," he said. Remus obeyed, and released Sirius' arm, noticing how thin it felt under his hand.

"Are you taking care of yourself?" he asked his tone suddenly businesslike.

Sirius looked up at Remus confused, "What?"

"I know you haven't been living the life of luxury, but are you feeding yourself properly?" Remus looked around the dusty kitchen for evidence of meals having been prepared.

"I'm fine. Really, Remus, it'll just take a while for me not to look like a walking skeleton," Sirius said with a thin smile, noting the concern in Remus' voice. "What about you? You look a little worse for wear since you were a professor at Hogwarts," Sirius asked, his eyes sweeping over Remus' greying hair, thin travelling cloak and shabby clothes.

Shifting a little uncomfortably in his seat under Sirius' scrutiny, Remus explained, "Well after you got away that night, Snape, er, let slip to the students about my condition. It's hard to find a job for a known werewolf."

"That slimy git. If I ever see him again, we are going to have some things to discuss," Sirius said seriously. "Where are you living now?" he questioned.

"Oh, here and there," Remus said lightly, evading the fact that he really didn't have an answer at the moment. "Though now that the Orders back, I suspect it won't be long till I'm gone again on Dumbledore's orders."

Sirius frowned at his response, not falling for Remus' skirting of the question. "You'll live here till that happens then."

"No, Sirius I can't," Remus said feeling slightly embarrassed at the charity.

"You can and you will. Come on, Remus, I have more than enough space in this forsaken house," Sirius reasoned. Remus thought it over quickly. Given the awkwardness of this whole visit he didn't think it was especially wise; however he was rapidly running out of other options. Giving a small sigh, Remus nodded warily, causing Sirius to give a small smile. "Excellent," he said.

 **O** -

Remus sat at the empty kitchen table, reading over some reports that Moody had left for him to look over. He had been staying at Grimmauld Place for months now, being gone more often than not, but the arrangement was working well. It gave him a safe place to go between missions or when he needed a rest. The added bonus was being able to slowly rebuild his friendship with Sirius; it was good to have one of his lifelong friends back in his life again. They spoke little of their breach of trust in each other, and focused on the present. Awkward silences were replaced with laughter and unsure pauses were replaced with comfortable conversations, and they were quickly remembering why they had become such fast friends all those years ago.

Today the house was quiet, and Remus was grateful for the peace in the house as he pored over the parchment in front of him.

"Sirius?" a voice said suddenly.

Remus jumped in his seat, startled at the noise. Looking around he was shocked to see Harry's face staring at him from the fire. "Harry! What are you- what's happened, is everything alright?" he asked, alarmed at Harrys presence.

"Yeah, I just wondered- I mean, I just fancied a- a chat with Sirius," Harry stuttered through his explanation, looking slightly embarrassed.

"I'll call him. He went upstairs looking for Kreacher, he seems to be hiding in the attic again," Remus said hurriedly before rushing off. Dashing through the house he made sure to be well past the portrait of Sirius' mum before calling for his friend. "Sirius, come here, quickly!"

"What is it?" Sirius asked, hurrying down the stairs of the attic, worried at Remus' tone.

"It's Harry, he wants to talk to you," Remus explained.

"What? Is he okay? What happened?" Sirius asked, panicked.

Remus grabbed Sirius arm and pulled him towards the kitchen, "I don't know I just went to find you." Both men hustled back to the fire, worried about what had happened to prompt Harry to talk to Sirius in such a dangerous way. Once they kneeled down in front of Harry's head, they had a conversation neither one expected. After hearing Harry's story of what he saw in the Pensieve, both Sirius and Remus tried to reassure Harry that he shouldn't judge James solely on what he saw. Harry had to make a quick exit when he heard someone approaching on his end, leaving Sirius and Remus in a stunned silence.

"Well that was unexpected," Sirius said after a moment, picking himself off the floor and grabbing a seat at the table, Remus following suit.

"I wonder how he managed to use Floo Powder to talk to you," Remus said concerned.

Sirius smiled, "He's James' son, that's for sure."

Remus frowned slightly, "What if he got caught Sirius? You know that Umbridge is out for Harry."

Sirius' smile slipped a little, "Oh, he'll be alright, he can outsmart that old hag." Sirius saw Remus about to say something and he was sure he didn't want to hear it so he quickly cut him off, "I forgot that James use to play with that Snitch," he said changing subjects.

Sighing, Remus allowed the conversation to be steered in a new direction. "Yeah, he always loved showing off with that," he said affectionately.

Sirius gave Remus a grin, "Remember when he lost in the library though?"

Remus gave a loud laugh, "I remember the two of you knocking down a bookshelf in your efforts to catch it in the middle of the night."

"Yes, but who was right outside the door keeping a lookout for us?" Sirius asked laughing.

"Someone had to make sure you two weren't going to land in detention again," Remus said lightly. "Though I clearly failed more times than I succeeded," he joked.

Sirius chuckled and he and Remus continued to reminisce about the old days and remind each other of stories that the other had forgotten. They talked for hours, feeling a warm nostalgia from bringing up memories from their younger days.

"Remember how you tried so hard to convince us that you were clumsy?" Sirius asked, grinning at the thought of Remus' poor attempts to explain his scars. Remus chuckled and shook his head, unwilling to acknowledge his ill attempts at lying to his friends. "Speaking of clumsy, a certain young witch stops by here quite often. If you ask me, it seems like she's hoping to run into everyone's favorite broody ex-professor. Seems quite enamored," Sirius teased Remus.

Remus sighed, leaning back in his chair. "Tonks. She's hardly subtle, you know," he said.

"Well, you shouldn't keep the poor girl waiting, tell her if you're interested," Sirius said, smiling as he continued to poke fun at his friend.

"Don't you think I haven't?" Remus asked exasperatedly.

"What did you tell her?" Sirius smirked.

"That I'm a werewolf and she can do better," Remus said shortly. "I told her I shouldn't be with anyone," he said the mood in the room shifting suddenly.

Sirius frowned slightly, "Well that's a little dramatic, don't you think?"

"No, it's realistic," Remus stated.

"But _anyone_?" Sirius questioned, catching Remus' eyes with his own.

Remus shifted in his seat, knowing what Sirius was really asking. "Yes, anyone. I'm too dangerous," he said quietly.

"You didn't use to feel that way," Sirius said slowly, before he reached out and placed his hand over Remus' on the table.

Remus felt his pulse quicken at the touch, before he pulled his hand out of Sirius' grasp. "This isn't a good idea," Remus said, his voice harder than he meant it to be.

"And when has that ever stopped me before?" Sirius joked, trying to get a smile from Remus, but just received a frown instead. Sighing, Sirius stared at Remus from across the table, expressionless. "I miss you," he said simply.

Remus felt a tug at his heart at his words, and stopped himself from repeating the phrase back to Sirius. "We've been down this road before, Sirius," he said tiredly, running a hand through his greying hair.

Sirius leaned forward in his chair and asked, "Was it really so bad?"

"Not until it ended. We both lost all faith in each other, and-"

"It'll be different this time."

"No," Remus said firmly, his mouth a thin line. Sirius looked away and the kitchen became quiet except for the fire that still crackled merrily in the hearth. Remus could tell by Sirius' sullen silence that he was hurt, so he tentatively said, "We will always be friends." Sirius clenched his jaw slightly and gave small nod. After waiting for Sirius to say something but receiving nothing, Remus let what he considered an appropriate amount of time to pass before standing up and muttering an excuse to leave the room. Walking to his room, Remus hoped that they would easily fall back into their previously established friendship that had been working so well up this point. He could never tell Sirius how much he missed him too and how he yearned to be with him again. After living alone for years, Remus realized how foolish he'd been as a young man, thinking he could make a relationship work, being what he was. He knew better now though; over the years Remus has come to understand that his life's path is that of a werewolf, and that meant he had to walk it alone.

 **AN: Let me know what you think so far. Last chapter will be up tomorrow.**


	7. Chapter 7

Remus sat on the couch in Sirius' sitting room, his face in his hands. He had just gotten back from his transformation, and he was utterly exhausted. Everything hurt; his face stung, his muscles screamed in protest at every move, even his bones hurt. It had been a while since he had been to Grimmauld Place, since he was constantly gone for work for the Order, and usually when he was here it was full of people coming and going. Tonight though, the house was silent and Remus couldn't have been more grateful. Before his transformation yesterday he had Apparated far into the wilderness, far away from anyone he could accidently hurt, and this morning he awoke in the woods feeling all too familiar pains. He came back here to rest for a few a days before continuing his work for Dumbledore and was blessed with an empty house. Well, almost empty, he thought as he heard footsteps approaching.

"Didn't hear you sneak in," Sirius' voice stated somewhere on the other side of the room. Remus mumbled into his hands, too tired to raise his head from its resting place. He heard Sirius make his way over to the coach, and felt it dip slightly as he sat on the other end of the sofa. "Was it a rough one?" Sirius asked his tone full of concern. Remus nodded into his hands, and Sirius remained silent. Remus was grateful that after he was firm with Sirius about not taking their relationship further, Sirius never brought up the conversation again, and seemed content with just being friends.

"Do you have to leave soon?" Sirius asked, and Remus could hear restlessness in his voice, he knew how much Sirius hated staying in this house.

"I have an errand to run with Moody tomorrow," Remus responded, finally lifting his head from his hands, "After that I can stay for a couple of da-"

He was caught off by a loud swear from Sirius, as Sirius saw his face for the first time today, and saw the new cut running down Remus' face. Remus caught a glimpse of it earlier; he knew it was a nasty one. Starting at his left temple, it cut through the middle of his cheek and ended at his jaw.

"Oh," Remus said softly, reaching up to feel the new cut gingerly, "right, that's new. It isn't a big deal," he continued seeing Sirius frown from across the couch. Sirius made a move to get up, but Remus stopped him with a wave of his hand. "Don't bother getting anything," he said.

"Don't you want anything to clean it up a bit?"

Remus shook his head, "There's nothing that can be done for an injury caused by a werewolf, you know that Sirius."

Sirius huffed and leaned back into the sofa, "I know, I just feel so bloody helpless."

Remus nodded and cupped his chin in his hand, staring into the fire in the grate. He could empathise with his friend and with how locked up he felt, but he was too tired to try and cheer him up.

"Here's an idea," Sirius started, and Remus groaned. How many times he heard Sirius start a sentence that way and when had it ever ended well? "How about your next moon, I'll come with you? As a dog of course," Sirius said a grin breaking over his face.

Remus sighed and leaned back into the couch, his posture matching Sirius'. "I can't let you do that Sirius. What if someone saw you?" he said, his heart breaking a little as Sirius' handsome face became crestfallen at his words.

"Come on Moony. Think how much better it would be if you had some animal company. Maybe you wouldn't have to resort to scratching your own face," Sirius said, and Remus felt a tug on his heartstrings at the use of his old nickname again.

"I'm still saying no, it's too dangerous. I'm not making the same mistakes I did when we were in school. It's too risky," Remus tried to explain.

Sirius scowled in response, and looked into the fire, away from Remus. Sighing, Remus warily closed his eyes; he didn't have the energy to argue with Sirius right now. Hoping Sirius was going to drop it, and least for the moment, Remus peaked at Sirius from the corner of his eyes. Sirius was still looking straight ahead, giving Remus a chance to admire the sharp curve of Sirius' jaw, and the way the flickering flames brought out his grey eyes. Remus suddenly realized how close they were sitting near each other, how if he wanted to he could easily reach out and run his fingers through Sirius' hair, or tilt his chin towards his own… Clearing his throat slightly, Remus looked away from his friend, before his thoughts got carried away. He knew he was right in his decision to remain purely friends, but that didn't stop his mind from wandering away on him, especially in such close proximity to Sirius.

"Well, you should get some sleep, you look like hell," Sirius said roughly before standing up and making his way out of the room. Remus sighed as he watched Sirius leave; he knew he had hurt his feelings by telling him not to come with him during his next transformation. There was too much at stake, Remus couldn't take that risk. What if Sirius was caught or what if Remus hurt him during the night? All the reasons that should have made Remus stop the three other Marauders from joining him all those years ago at school were still there, plus a couple of new ones. There was no reason to jeopardize everything; Remus had gotten use to going through his transformations alone.

 **O** -

Early the next morning Remus pored over a piece of parchment at the kitchen table, reading up on the latest reports from members of the Order. He ran his fingers through his greying hair and sighed at the headache that was forming behind his eyes. He barely looked up as he heard Sirius enter the room.

"I thought I told you to get some sleep," Sirius commented picking up on Remus' dishevelled appearance, as he set about to make tea.

"I did a bit," Remus mumbled, leaning back in his chair and stifled a yawn. Sirius raised his eyebrows at Remus, a silent question. Shrugging, Remus looked away before muttering nonchalantly, "Bad dream."

Sighing, Sirius took a seat neat to Remus and asked patiently, "Who was it this time?"

Remus blinked at Sirius before he started to laugh. The situation was just so déjà vu, the conversation so enduringly familiar, that Remus couldn't help but laugh.

"What?" Sirius asked confused, but a smile on his face as he watched Remus try and catch his breath.

"Nothing, I just can't help feel that we've had this conversation before," Remus said lightly. Sirius gave a small chuckle before standing up and resumed making tea for the both of them. Setting a mug in front of Remus, Sirius reclaimed his chair and blew steam from his own mug wrapped in his hands.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Sirius asked.

Still smiling slightly, Remus shook his head as he warmed his hands on the mug in front of him. He didn't especially feel like telling Sirius that he was the victim in Remus' dream last night. It was the same nightmare he usually had, finding a loved one dead with the Dark Mark hovering over them, and Remus learned to not read into them long ago. He especially didn't feel like remembering the panic he felt waking up in the middle of the night, as he had to remind himself that Sirius was alive and well, sleeping just a few rooms over. It took most of the morning for Remus to shake the chill that his dream had given him; it wasn't easy to erase the image of Sirius' dead body that was seared into his mind, but now with Sirius sitting next to him he found it easier to push away the cloud that had followed him all morning.

Sirius shrugged at his answer. "Did you already eat?" he asked.

"No, but I don't have time, I have to be on my way to meet Moody soon."

"How's the cut?" Sirius asked, switching topics, nodding his head towards Remus' face.

Remus raised a hand over yesterday's injury wincing slightly, "It'll be alright in the end, just another scar."

Sirius frowned slightly and leaned forward, grabbing Remus' jaw with his hand and tilting his face so he could get a better look at the angry red mark.

"It really isn't a big deal," Remus protested weakly.

"You're right it could have been a lot worse," Sirius mumbled having completed his inspection. Remus rolled his eyes and was about to make a joke, before he realized how close Sirius' face was to his own and his voice caught in his throat. His hand still on Remus' jaw, Sirius stared into Remus' eyes, grey eyes meeting green. Remus felt his heart flutter as he bit his lip and got lost in Sirius' handsome features. His steely grey eyes that Remus knew so well, that Azkaban left looking haunted. His sharp cheekbones that gave him a charmingly roguish look. His lips… Startled, Remus glanced back up to Sirius' eyes only to see them flicker down to Remus' own mouth before meeting his eyes once more. Without thinking Remus leaned in and caught Sirius' lips in a gentle kiss. Sirius immediately reciprocated, one of his hands lightly running through Remus' hair, and Remus was surprised to find his own hand behind Sirius' neck pulling him closer.

"Wait," Remus gasped, pulling away from Sirius. "We shouldn't- I mean-" he stuttered trying to get his thoughts together.

Sirius' eyes were bright as he caught Remus' hand in his own. "Remus, for once in your life stop overthinking" he whispered. Remus barely had time to process his statement before Sirius pulled him in for another kiss, this one hungry. Remus felt his body respond automatically, all the want he had for Sirius taking over; he stood without his lips leaving Sirius' and pulled Sirius up from his seat as well, so the table was no longer between them. Sirius growled his approval before sliding his lips from Remus' and started nipping at his neck down to his collarbone. Remus felt his breath hitch at the sensation, before he grabbed Sirius' hips and started steering him out of the kitchen into the next room. Walking backwards, Sirius didn't let up from his attack on Remus' neck, continuing to bite and suck on the skin, enticing a small moan from Remus.

Finally having made his way to his destination, Remus pushed Sirius back onto a couch, before leaping on top of him. Lips meeting once more, Remus fumbled with Sirius' shirt underneath him, trying to pull it over him. Sitting up slightly, Sirius helped Remus with this task, flinging his shirt across the room. Straddling Sirius, Remus quickly lowered his mouth to bite at the sensitive skin he knew lay at the base of Sirius' neck. Remus' mouth worked lower nibbling at Sirius' exposed chest, till his tongue found Sirius' nipple, which he immediately teased. He felt Sirius' buck his hips underneath him in frustration, then Sirius' hands pulled Remus back to his mouth where he was caught into another demanding kiss. Sitting up, Sirius quickly pulled off Remus' shirt, before pinning him down on the couch so their positions were reversed. Remus could barely catch his breath before he felt Sirius' nimble fingers making quick work with the front of his jeans, undoing the button and pulling down the zipper before-

BANG!

"FILTHY MUDBLOODS! DISGUSTING HALFBREEDS!"

"Oh no, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"

Remus and Sirius snapped their heads to look up, as if they could see through the floor as they heard Sirius mum yell obscenities, and Nymphadora Tonks apologize over and over again. Quickly detangling from each other and standing up, Remus did up his pants while Sirius found and threw on his shirt, tossing Remus' to him in the process. Pulling his shirt on, Remus glanced at Sirius before they made their way upstairs to help Tonks with the raging portrait; his hair was dishevelled, his eyes were bright and his pupils were dilated, the exposed skin on his neck had a few red marks, his shirt was crumpled, and not to mention he had a noticeable bulge in his pants. Knowing he couldn't look much better, Remus tugged on his shirt to straighten it out and ran his hands through his hair a couple of times. Hopefully Tonks wouldn't notice too much in the dark house. Sirius reached the landing first and helped Tonks with closing the drapes over his mother's picture, her screams immediately coming to a halt, filling the house with a ringing silence.

"I'm sorry," Tonks whispered, picking up the umbrella stand she clearly knocked over earlier to cause the whole outburst.

"It's alright," Remus said gently, secretly thankful that they had gotten a heads up that he and Sirius were no longer alone in the house.

"Really, no harm done," Sirius said absentmindedly, running his hands through his long hair to make it slightly more presentable.

Tonks seemed to notice for the first time who she was talking to, "Hello, Lupin!" she said brightly. "I didn't expect to see you here; shouldn't you be with Moody?"

Remus swore quietly under his breath, his appointment with Moody was the last thing on his mind at the moment. "Er, right, I was just on my way out actually," he explained, before dashing up the stairs to grab his cloak from his room. Taking a quick peak in the mirror, he took a moment to gather himself, his mind whirling at what just took place. He had let himself slip, that was for sure, and he couldn't risk anything like that happening again. He should have better control, Remus thought furiously to himself.

"I know that look, you're overthinking again aren't you."

Remus glanced around to see Sirius leaning in his doorway, a playful smirk on his face, looking thoroughly calm and collected, as opposed to Remus.

"I have to run, but Sirius when I get back we have to have a talk," Remus said seriously.

"Yes," Sirius replied, eyeing Remus up and down, "yes we do."

Frowning, Remus pushed past Sirius, making his way down the stairs; Sirius' response made Remus feel like he had an uphill battle awaiting him later. He was surprised to see Tonks still hanging around by the door, clearly hoping to catch him before he left.

"I was just popping in, but I'll be back later tonight, Kinglsey has some new information he wants to go over. You better hurry now though, Moody isn't very forgiving when people are late," Tonks said cheerily.

"Alright then, I'll see you later," Remus said awkwardly before hurrying out the door and immediately Disapparating to his meeting spot with Moody. Luckily the errand they had to run only took a couple of hours, and everything went smoothly other than Moody being in a testy mood all day due to Remus being a few minutes late. Remus told Mad-Eye about Tonks and Kingsley meeting at Grimmauld Place later, so Moody accompanied Remus back to the house.

Remus breathed a slight sigh of relief once they entered the manor, he was eager to get some space between him and the edgy ex-Auror, having been stuck to his side all day. The two of them made their way into the living room, where they were greeted by Kingsley, who had just arrived previously.

They each grabbed a seat before Kinglsey said, "Do either of you know if Tonks is coming tonight as well? She mentioned she would."

"Yes, she told me earlier she'd be here," Remus supplied.

"Well then, she'll get here soon. I trained her and therefore she understands punctuality," Moody growled, his normal eye shooting Remus a look. Remus shook his head slightly at Kingsleys raised eyebrow, and decided it was best to remain silent. Moody was still grumbling to himself when Sirius walked into the room, his shirt splattered with blood.

"Sirius, what happened? Are you alright?" Remus jumped to his feet.

"Oh," Sirius looked nonchalantly down at his shirt, "yeah, this isn't mine. I was just upstairs taking care of Buckbeak, I don't know how he managed to but he hurt himself pretty badly. I've been cleaning him up all day."

Remus felt a rush of relief followed by embarrassment at his overreaction, sitting back down quickly. "Will he be alright?" he asked much more calmly.

"Yes, luckily it was just a flesh wound, but I still don't know how he was able to do that to himself," Sirius replied, looking puzzled.

"At least it wasn't serious," Kingsley said in his deep voice. Sirius nodded and left the room, presumably to clean himself up. Soon after he left, Tonks arrived, joining the men in the living room.

"How did everything go today?" she asked Remus and Mad-Eye.

"Fine," Remus said quickly, before Moody could complain about his tardiness again. Tonks gave a knowing chuckle and grabbed a seat close to Remus. The four of them caught each other up on the latest events, until Sirius arrived, blood free this time. Now that they were finally all together, Kingsley started his newest report, informing them all about the news that he had picked up working at the Ministry. The new information he had brought opened up new avenues for the Order, and the five of them heatedly debated on what they thought was the best move. They talked into the evening, and Remus was quickly growing tired of the endless arguments, especially with Moody who seemed particularly combative tonight.

Craving some silence, Remus excused himself from the conversation and made his way to the drawing room upstairs. Walking over to the far side of the room, he opened the window to listen to the quiet sounds of the evening outside. He was just starting to gather himself when he heard footsteps approaching behind him.

"Finally grew tired of Moody's arguing?" Sirius asked, leaning against the open windowsill. "He seems to be out for your blood tonight, you should know better than to be late to meet him. I wonder what got you so distracted this morning," Sirius said feigning curiosity.

Remus frowned at Sirius, unamused at his joke. "We need to talk about that, Sirius."

"Right, you mentioned that earlier," Sirius said lightly.

"What happened this morning, well, we cannot let that happen again," Remus said firmly.

"Why? I think we were both rather enjoying ourselves till we were rudely interrupted."

Remus folded his arms, unimpressed at Sirius' decision to be difficult. "We've already talked about this," he said sternly.

Sirius smirked, "Actually we didn't. You just said 'no' and that was the end of it. Not much of a discussion if you ask me."

"It's pointless to have a discussion Sirius, nothing will change," Remus frowned.

"Just tell me why you don't want to give us another chance," Sirius challenged. "And don't even try to tell me it's because you don't want to, I know you too well Moons."

Remus glared at Sirius, who was still leaning against the wall in an utmost carefree way, while Remus stood rigidly with his arms crossed. "As I said before, I don't want history to repeat itself. We are on the brink of another war, and the last time our trust was tested we failed," he explained stiffly.

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Oh please, flimsy excuse at best. Tell me you think we are the same people we were then."

Sighing, Remus conceded to himself that he was right; they had both clearly changed over the years. Azkaban had left Sirius haunted, his eyes sunken and his body malnourished. He was quieter, more reserved than he was before, and Remus could tell he often got lost in his own thoughts, revisiting his years in captivity and would withdraw deep into himself. Remus had changed as well, his body showing more scars than ever before, and his heart had hardened considerably. He had trained himself over the years to not get too close to anyone, lest they found out his secret, and now that Snape had told the world of his condition, he had been rejected by society, only armouring his heart even more. Maybe he didn't have to be alone though…

Remus let his eyes drift outside and they fell upon the waning moon, something that always brought a smile to his face. A waning moon meant he had weeks of living a normal life to look forward to; every night the moon got a little smaller, his heart felt a little lighter. However, it wouldn't be too long until it would start to grow again, mocking Remus every night as it grew larger, his next transformation looming closer.

"You're right Sirius, we are different. But that doesn't change that this can't happen. We can't. I can't," Remus finally replied looking back at his friend.

"Why?" Sirius quietly demanded, taking a step closer to Remus. "Why do you refuse to let yourself be happy?" he asked gently.

Remus felt his mouth twist in exasperation, "I don't deserve to be happy."

Sirius looked at Remus confused, "Why not?"

"Because I'm a monster," Remus whispered, full of self-revulsion.

Sirius rolled his eyes in frustration. "Oh for Merlin's sake, not this again," he said, taking another step towards Remus and grabbed his jaw so he was forced to look at Sirius. "I do not care you're a werewolf. I never cared you're a werewolf, and I never will. Is that clear enough?" he asked letting go of Remus.

Remus shook his head, "You don't understand."

"I'm pretty sure I do, in case you've forgotten you were a werewolf the last time we were together," Sirius said sarcastically.

"Things have changed," Remus said stubbornly. "Before no one knew, I was able to pretend that I was normal, but now everyone knows. I can't get a job, I can't find a place to live, people are disgusted by me as soon as they know who I am. I've been expelled from society and if we were together, you would be too."

"It's not like I'm in good social standing either," Sirius pointed out with a snort.

"For now, but all that will change as soon as Peter is caught," Remus explained, talking quickly. "Then you'll get a full apology, be welcomed back into the world, and then what? I'd drag you down to my level," he said wildly.

Sirius grabbed Remus' hand, stopping him from turning away. "Do you really think I care what people think?"

Remus pulled away from Sirius' grasp, "You say that now, but everyone will look at you differently when they know a werewolf loves you and then-" Remus stopped talking suddenly, his brain catching up to what his mouth was saying.

"And then I'll tell them I love that werewolf too," Sirius said softly, his lips quirking into a grin.

Remus stared at Sirius before muttering, "You should think about what you want for your future."

Sirius reached out a hand and traced Remus' jaw with his finger, "I've known what I've wanted since I met you at Hogwarts," he whispered before his finger landed near Remus' newest cut, "and nothing has changed my mind." Remus felt his heart race at Sirius' words, and when Sirius pulled him in for a kiss his resolve finally broke. As opposed to their hungry, demanding kisses they shared this morning, this one was gentle and loving. They finally broke apart, and Remus looked at Sirius, feeling happier than he had for a very long time, though he still felt a tiny shred of guilt.

"Sirius I-" he started saying before being cut off.

"Enough, Remus. I know what I'm getting into, and this is my decision to make too," Sirius said firmly. "I'm not wasting any more time arguing about this, we've already spent too many years apart."

Remus gave a small smile before nodding. It was true, they've lost so much time together already, and Remus couldn't deny that all he wanted was to be with Sirius again.

"Good, glad we got that settled. I forgot how bloody stubborn you could be," Sirius teased. Before Remus could respond they heard Tonks panicked voice calling them from downstairs. Giving each other confused and worried looks they hustled down the stairs to see a flurry of activity as Tonks, Moody and Kingsley were all preparing to leave in a rush.

"What's going on?" Remus asked, noticing the tension in the room.

"We've just received a message from Snape. He believes that Harry has gone to the Ministry and is in danger," Kingsley explained in his deep, calming voice. Remus felt a jolt of panic and immediately joined the others in getting ready to leave.

"I'm coming too," Sirius said his voice hard.

"Don't be foolish," snapped Moody. "You know good and well you can't leave the house, let alone walk into the Ministry of Magic."

Remus saw a fire behind Sirius' eyes and knew Moody was fighting a losing battle. "If you think I'm going to sit at home while my godson is in danger, you're sorely mistaken," Sirius growled at Moody.

"Someone needs to update Dumbledore," Kinglsey stated. Remus saw Sirius hesitate and he quickly came to his aid.

"Kreacher can tell Dumbledore," he said swiftly, and Sirius gave Remus a grateful smile.

Moody looked surprised that Remus was on Sirius' side before responding, "Fine, but we have to leave, we are wasting time."

Sirius shouted for Kreacher, who quickly appeared around the corner, bowing deeply and muttering to himself as usual. Rolling his eyes, Sirius quickly ordered Kreacher to explain to Dumbledore where they were going and why. Kreacher glared at Sirius but muttered his affirmative that he would do so. Not wasting anymore time, the five of them quickly departed.

Once they were outside, Remus could see the worry for Harry in Sirius' eyes, but he also saw a reckless excitement at finally leaving the house. Thinking about what they might find waiting for them at the Ministry, Remus felt a tiny jolt of nervousness as he always did before a battle, but it soothed considerably when he remembered Sirius was by his side. He didn't know what waited for him in the future, but he knew that Sirius would be with him through it all, and he would never again be alone.

 **The End.**

 **AN: Let me know what you thought of the story. Thanks for reading : )**


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